This weekend, Iyanla’s ‘Fix My Life’ kicked off a new season and Iyanla got more than she bargained for with DMX! Viewers were literally taken through a real, unscripted roller coaster ride of emotions as DMX first opened up to Iyanla about how he came to her because he wanted to figure out why he was so addicted to women. (He’s had a total of seven kids out of wedlock.) Within minutes, we were introduced to the vulnerable side of “X” as he cried through stories of feeling unwanted during his childhood after his mom sent him off to a home for troubled kids. He eventually brought his abandonment issues into his marriage with his estranged wife TaShera, who he always feared would leave him because of his drug problem. He also opened up about wanting a better relationship with his first-born son who he said had become distant over the years and would only talk to him when he needed money.
Things seem to be going well (in terms of DMX being completely open to Iyanla’s advice and help) but things turned for the worse after she asked him if he was high. She also had him take a look at his numerous mugshots which she had plastered to a wall, and from there, DMX became guarded, defensive and offended. He stormed out and refused to talk to Iyanla again. He was over it!
Meanwhile, Iyanla sat down with DMX’s son Xavier who was hoping that if he confronted his father, he’d be able to get through to him once and for all. DMX finally agreed to sit down with Xavier, and after going off on Iyanla at least two times for butting in on he and his son’s conversation, DMX finally had a heart to heart with his son. There were smiles and tears as they hugged it out, but Xavier unfortunately said one thing, that pissed DMX off again and the show didn’t end as planned. What a ride!
Catch the highlights of what was said throughout the episode as well as DMX and his son’s reaction after it aired below:
DMX on why he sought out Iyanla’s help
I want some type of insight on why I want so many women. There’s something I love about each one of them but I don’t see the love tank being filled.
DMX on the best relationship he’s ever had:
I can tell you about the best relationship, but it also happens to be the worse relationship too. We fell in love instantly. I love hard, love her to death, and will do anything for her. We grew up two blocks from each other. We were in two, totally different groups. She was in the cute girl group that always got their hair done. I was in the dirty, robbery group. I wasn’t the type of dude that you would see her with. Clearly, we were opposites.
We fell in love instantly. We never stepped apart. She completed me. Two months in, I told her a girl like that is not going to stick with a guy with a drug problem. I put my cards on the table. I was 19 and she was 18. It took every bit of courage to tell her [about my drug problems.] I called her and said, “Listen, just leave me now because I have this problem.”(starts to break down) She knew that I wanted to be loved and to feel special and wanted by someone [but] after every argument, it was this one recurring thing, “Just get out.” We came a long way, then we got on that tip. Just throw me away!
On His childhood
I felt like my mother threw me away. I’m the best thing she had. She sent me to live in a group home for troubled children when I was just seven years old. Everyone wants their mother to love them. In one breath, I would be mom’s little man of the house and in the next breath, “You are hardheaded” and then “You aint gonna be sh*t.” It’s like, “Who am I ma??”
On his drug habit
I will always have a drug problem. Just because you stop getting high, doesn’t mean that you still don’t have the problem. It’s a constant fight everyday. Every trigger that was a trigger is still a trigger. But I will always have a drug problem. I smoke weed, I drink, coke, crack. Now, I don’t f*ck with that since I’ve been home from prison for three years. I slipped a couple of times, but I got right back up.
When I first got signed, I nearly went crazy. When I did my robberies, I got a couple hundred dollars here and there but now all I have to do is make a phone call and she sends me a thousand dollars. Now, we are talking a drug problem. As bad as it may have seemed before, it was nothing like it was when I got money.
There was a time when I thought I had to stop or I was going to lose my mind and do something that I regret because of the paranoia. You hear things louder and you think people are scheming. Paranoia is what scared me more than dying. It’s a lonely feeling and I thought about blowing my head off a few times. The only thing that stopped me was that I had children and you cant say anything to them after you are gone.
On his relationship with older son Xavier:
I love him. At that time, it was the best gift that I ever got in my life. For most men, they want their first born to be a son. I got what I wanted, first born a son. I was the one who actually carried him in the little backpack thing. I was that good of a parent to him.
I don’t have a relationship with him today because he doesn’t want one he never wanted one. He never calls me ever, he did call me one time, I was so happy, my boy called me. I answered the phone, he said, “Yo we need some money.” I’m like, “Please allow me to do more than just provide for you with food and clothes. Is there anything we can talk about, anything going on, it’s like pulling teeth.
People are people and as much as I’d like for him to be my best friend, but just because he is my son doesn’t automatically make him my best friend. At this point, it doesn’t matter if we have a relationship. For 20 years I’ve busted my a** to be a friend, be a mentor, to be all of that.
Meanwhile DMX’s son Xavier told Iyanla:
I’m here to get closure. When my mother and father separated it was always my mother told him, “Xavier feels this way or that way.” He never heard it from me. I feel like I owe him that as a man. I want to help him. Maybe I can get through to him. We don’t have a relationship. I don’t have any respect for him. For the past few years seeing his actions, I am really seeing him as a person.
My father never told me I wasn’t good enough or anything like that but his tones and the way he would speak to me, it made me feel little. Always yelling at me, it was like walking on eggshells around him because he was so controlling.
When Xavier confronted DMX face to face, DMX’s response was:
Even when you would see me mad, you knew I’m not mad at you. I didn’t know a n-gga with a father. I didn’t know not one n-gga with a father. Not one, I did the best I could. I was loving and you always knew I loved you. I didn’t know what the f*ck I was doing, but I tried. I gave it a genuine effort, still genuine.
I know I’m not the best father. I really sincerely tried, I’m sorry. I tried. [Starts to cry] Every man wants his first child to be a son. Half of you is me, man. I’m never going to stop loving you. That’s more important than any addiction, than any b*tch, anything. That’s more important.
Now, what’s interesting is that DMX said that his relationship with his son was more important than any b-tch or addiction, but when his son told him that he wanted a healthy relationship and that would require DMX to get clean, he responded:
What do you mean? That’s what you are asking me for? If that’s how you feel that’s cool. I’m going to respect that. That’s some bull sh*t. I love you and I’m always going to love you. I’m not going to change for anyone. I smoked weed and I drank before you were born, I did a lot before you were born. Love is unconditional! I will never put a condition on love or a relationship. Never, ever and I guess until you get to that place, we won’t have a relationship. It’s sad that my son wants nothing from me and I have so much to offer, I still love you. That’s not going to fly.
I guess I will see you at my funeral then.
Personally, that was a lot to take in, especially knowing that every bit of this was true life, unscripted television! The debate now is whether or not Iyanla exploited DMX’s struggle with drugs when he clearly sought her help with his addiction to women, but I believe she had to address the drug use while attempting to get to the root of the problem. DMX released a statement through his reps afterward that said:
DMX agreed to be a guest on ‘Iyanla: Fix My Life’ with the understanding that she would be helping his relationships with his 10 children. When he arrived for the taping, most of the content was focused on his struggles with drugs and poor parenting. Iyanla did not ‘fix’ DMX’s life just made his image worse, and does not have DMX’s personal written consent to use the footage.
His son Xavier, meanwhile, seemed very happy with the episode. He tweeted:
Tonight you saw me confront what I’ve been running from my whole life. #healed #fixmylife #iyanlafixmylife @OWNTV [I'm] hoping 2 give people courage to do what they must!